Fowl's Blog

Waiting for Salvation

September 15, 2020

All our life we wait for someone to give us a treat, to make us feel special. There’s no bigger pain to me to watch someone who never got around picking a direction in his life, just coasted unconsciously the river, and expects things to fall from the sky.

There is no pain bigger than having to tell someone: “You wasted your time. You didn’t become a person, you just did something to keep you busy.”

Now, people would say that I’m referring to not successful people, which is not true, because I’m actually referring to every single human being who chose not to follow their passions, and instead warped themselves to become something dictated by someone, or something, else.

Hearing this, you might think of some hippie or hipster seated in his luxurious car tweeting something about how we’re losing our way and then going into some silent retreat for three days to reconcile with themselves. Or maybe, you’re so juiced up on your own fake story that you went straight about some stoner who likes saying that people do not have a soul, just because he doesn’t either.

Thing is, we should look at the stoner, who never got around doing anything with his life, with the same eyes we look at ourselves, and vice-versa. There’s a lot at stake to lose, like our soul.

The inane state of stillness, which opposite is not going crazy about everything, should be our enemy.

Disclaimer: I do not think that people who busy themselves like drones all day are good either. Hard work for its own sake is as stupid as consuming drugs all day without doing nothing.

However, I know doctors who live a very still life. I know engineers who got into engineering because that’s the path their family thought it would suit them better.

I know people with big family businesses who now do not have a choice to really explore and do something with their life. They come from small towns, like I do, and - pointing out that some of them do enjoy what their family does and this is not a universal rule - the majority of them suffer their money.

I was recently talking with someone about their family business and it struck me how easy this person was about it, how he never really talked about it. It was a nice family business and I would have been proud of showcasing that, if I were him. So, was he feeling judgmental towards himself for picking a seemingly “easy” option? Was he ashamed of picking an option he didn’t really like? Had I drunk too many beers at that point in time to overthink the most casual conversation ever this deeply?

We’ll never know.

He said something that rang a bell inside my head.

“You know, I want to do a couple years working here and there to gain experience before going back to my family business.”

I swear to God this was the third time I heard this exact thing, almost word for word, identical. The other two are close friends of mine with flourishing family businesses.

Now, the real question would be whether or not it’s just honesty. They want to keep the family business alive, they’re happy with what they do and I’m a pompous ass that thinks he’s better than anyone else.

And I do believe that these are good guys, with their own struggles, beauty and ugliness in their lives.

We are always given an easy choice in life. Whether you’re rich or poor, it only changes the quality of the easy choice. If you’re Bill Gates son, the easy choice is going to be soooo enticing, and the difficult one even more difficult. Try to make yourself a name when your father is Bill Gates, I dare you.

If your family is rich, there is pressure on you. Even if your family is doing well there is pressure on you. I’ve this exact example in my family of how even families that do not lack money can live through very miserable moments. And if you’re their son or daughter, it’s going to be harder to make something out of yourself as a human being - not as a money machine, obviously the more money you have the more money you can make.

To find a cause, that could even be the humblest of humble jobs. Doctors, lawyers and engineers are mostly stuck-up suckers. Trust me, I’m a doctor.

And so I think that whether you’re poor or rich, you’ll be always waiting for a treat. Poor people have their dreams and so do rich people. I know some who do not wish much more than love and happiness, and do not care about the money their family has.

The problem is that they’re waiting for someone to give them a easy-difficult path. That does not exist, sadly. Our comfort zone can surely be pushed incrementally and not all in one go, but you cannot get out of the golden cage without trying hard. The bigger your background, the more you risk falling into it.

I am exploring the problem of how much subconsciously we wait for someone to magically solve our problems, some harbor of safety in this crazy world. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I explore thoughts like this in my narrative production too and I felt like sharing a small chunk of what I think to get some feedback. I’ll try to come back here and edit new entries in case I wasn’t clear enough. I also think there are many ties with Christianity… Who knows. See you in the next article!

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